Tuesday, December 30, 2008

"Do Nothing. Be Quiet."

Eighteen months ago I suffered a concussion from an accident at work. It went undetected for two weeks. Once the pain came it didn't stop without the aid of meds for eight months. The pain was debilitating at times even with the meds and made an already stressful job and work environment intolerable. After four weeks my neurologist presented me with a life-changing decision: get rid of the stress and allow my body to heal or endure a very long and painful recuperation.

I was at a crossroads. Before heading back to work that morning, Pete & I prayed for clarity in making this decision. I didn't want to leave my job if God had other plans if I stayed put. Within 24 hours of leaving the neurologist's office, God twice confirmed the doctor's suggestion to leave my job. Once through a devotion I was reading and once from a conversation with a friend. Looking in from the outside, you could say it was an easy decision without the confirmations. Who wouldn't choose health over pain? But, I was giving up my financial comfort zone. My job provided 30% of my family's income. My husband had just become a partner in his own business and had taken a $20K salary cut. I held the health benefits. Our son was getting married and our daughter was going to enter college within a year. How could I possibly give up my job?!

I don't know how to explain it but once I received the confirmations to leave my job both Pete & I received a very calm, inner peace about the whole decision. It seemed foolish and irrational. What was I doing?! It was the first time I took a complete free-fall of obedience with God. It was absolutely freeing!

God sometimes sends butterflies to Pete when he needs confirmation of walking in God's will. I've been privileged to witness the experience a few times. Well, the August afternoon when I walked out of my office and into the light of the first moment of my freedom, a beautiful, orange monarch butterfly fluttered over my right shoulder. It was as though God was right there with me letting me know I was walking in His way.

The rest of the summer was a blur. I spent most of it sleeping. I couldn't do much except lay around. My head would not tolerate noise, light, reading or even watching television for a long period of time. On days when I could manage to relax outside in the shade I spent it talking to God. (The conversations were inaudible or on paper so it worked for me). I remember asking Him repeatedly over the next eight months, "Okay. You wanted me to come home. Now what? What should I do?" The answer was always, "Do nothing. Be quiet. Be still. Allow my Holy Spirit to heal your body." The first few times I "heard" His voice I'd refute, "Are you SURE that's all I'm suppose to do? What about our finances? What about...?" The answer NEVER changed. My needs were always met.

I finally learned to accept the voice I heard as the voice of God. I stopped questioning Him. I learned to obey. I was still. I was healed.

1 comment:

  1. Dawn: I love your blog....and your honesty. You are so right...being obedient to God, no matter how "out there" it may seem at the time, or in today's crazy materialistic world, the peace He brings is amazing. I can honestly say I am finally at peace because I am obedient to God's will in my life....and want to shout from the rooftops about it too! We crosses some of these roads as we were adopting "Pickles" last year....we had less than $50 in our savings account when I wrote the check to our adoption agency..the rest of our first adoption story is truly an amazing testament to God's faithfulness.