When More is Too Much and Prayer is Hard

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"Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief." Psalm 143:1 NIV

He pitched a tent and spent a sleepless night beside his crumbled home protecting what little earthly possessions remained. In early morning light while he awaits help to gather his things and leave town, a single reporter asks him, "What's next?" He simply and emphatically answers, "pray."

I feel helpless watching images of ravaged homes piled high like pick-up-sticks and listening to reports of school children still missing or worse. Reports tell of parents calling out their children's names into the night in Moore, Oklahoma. I swallow back tears from fresh December memories of our own Newtown tragedy and wonder how much more can we handle. More storms. More tragedy. More loss. More.

What do you do when more is too much?

My family's experienced its own personal crises this year; losses that left our earthly possessions in tact but splintered our hearts. Our losses happened too close together, scrambled my thoughts and my words. Getting it all down on paper seems harder these days because I think, "who wants to drink up my grief when the world's got plenty more to offer?" So I close the page and surf Facebook in search of some joy, knowing full well I won't find it there, but it's easier than praying right then.

Bored from re-reading all the same posts, I sit and jot down my thoughts - like this blog is my form of prayer. There's nothing more I can do but cry out, "Mercy! No more, dear God. Mercy, please." And God reminds me of Paul's words in Romans:

"...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Romans 5:3-4 NIV

Perseverance. Character. Hope. All qualities that separate thrivers from survivors - qualities that only come through suffering and loss.

And our hope? While we stand amidst our splintered lives - God is faithful and righteous and provides relief. First, he sent his one and only son, Jesus who died for us, becoming our Way of adoption into God's family. And through his resurrection, our hope of life eternal is fulfilled. Second, he sent us one another to help carry us through tough times.

Even while I finish these last few lines, my phone rings. A dear friend smiles on the other end of the phone and simply speaks encouraging words. My lips curl up and my heart feels just a bit lighter than before. I breathe a prayer, thankful that relief came in such a loving package. Thank-you, Lord.

When life is hard, when more is too much and you've found prayer hard, how has God shown his mercy and faithfulness to you?

Knowing Mercy

" 'But let him who boasts boast of this: that he understands and knows me,
that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight, ' declares the Lord." Jeremiah 9:24

"I'm okay. I really am okay," she said reassuringly. We left her at the front door tucked behind the storm reciting her soliloquy.

Later, neediness calls. Another loved one demanding center stage.

We back away wondering what this next act might look like. We know the roles we'll play. Supporting roles, offering mercy - undying loyalty, kindness and unfailing love - for those who've stood strong for us all these years.

Mercy. It's my new word; the word my mind can't shake and the word God desires me to know. So, I search for meaning in this little word and God leads me right back to Jeremiah; the book where God's planted my feet since July. And suddenly, it's not so much about defining mercy as it is knowing the One who is mercy.

Right away, I want to know what I'm supposed to do and God whispers, "It's not about what you know but who you know. It's not about doing, or playing a role, it's about knowing." And how else do we know someone but spend time with them and abide with them?

In Jeremiah 9:24 God says, if anyone boasts, we should not boast of what we have or do (riches, wisdom, position) but rather we should boast in the Eternal One; that we understand and know God.

What is God like? He delights in mercy (unfailing love, kindness, compassion), righteousness and justice.  And when we spend time knowing Him, we transform into His likeness.

It's easy being God-like when we love the ones who ask for mercy.  It comes readily when we're unscheduled, unhurried, and burden less, but how easy does mercy flow when we're busy or obligated or we don't particularly love the person and they don't love us either?

There's the rub. Our part is to emulate God, who delights showing mercy to all in all circumstances.

Father, help us to understand and know you. May we take time each day to soak in your presence until all we do emulates who you are; One who delights in mercy, righteousness and justice.

Curing the Thanksgiving Hangover

"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us...if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." Romans 12:6, 8

If a Thanksgiving hangover exists, I suffered one this weekend. Turkey and all the fixings, either graced our family table or someone else's three times this week and the other four days we filled up with birthday celebrations, yard work, painting and an author event.

Today, I was more than ready for an ordinary, boring Monday where silence reigned down refreshing my body, mind and soul; where I feasted on God's Word instead of more turkey pot pie.


Then, Auntie called asking for help - more shopping and a doctor visit.

My eyes squinted shut and my heart grew tight and small. My mind screamed, "No! Not one more thing! Not one more person needing me or one more place or one more errand. No!" I'm grateful God sealed my mouth until I could hear Him over my grumbling thoughts.

"Grace and mercy," was all He whispered.

Grace and mercy don't come naturally. I struggle receiving and giving these heavenly gifts, especially when I'm physically worn out, just like today.

Heaving a deep breath, I reluctantly agreed to one more person, one more place, and one more errand before the call ended. With barely a few hours to spare, I crawled upstairs and opened my thanks-giving journal. Remember? The one where I'm supposed to be counting all God's gifts? Yes, in all my Thanksgiving busyness I'd neglected to stop and count and mindfully give thanks.  

When we neglect thanks-giving, grumbling replaces joy. Our minds and souls need reminding every moment of every day that joy comes only after we offer our thanks to the Giver of all our good gifts.

So, this morning, I recounted the past few days - looked back and recalled God's precious gifts given even through my busyness.

#49 Rest at night
#50 Precious morning silence
#51 Musicals
#52 Still sharing dreams after 28 years
#53 Strangers turned friends
#54 An extra day off
#55 Winter preparations
#56 Physical exercise
#57 Celebrating one more Thanksgiving with Mom and Dad
#58 Intimate family moments
#59 Mom and Dad's laughter
#60 Mom's grateful heart
#61 Midnight shopping adventure
#62 A soft warm bed
#63 Sleep
#64 New paint on old walls
#65 New generation inspired
#66 Playful puppy cousins
#67 Seeking stranger
#68 Sharing God's hope
#69 God conversations in holiday traffic
#70 Smiling, snuggling grandchildren greeting me at the door

Yes, recounting God's limitless gifts and offering Him thanks transforms this grumbling heart into a cheerful heart; makes room for more grace, more mercy and allows me to offer it freely. One more person? One more place? One more errand? By God's grace and mercy, yes.

Nevertheless

"Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security." Jeremiah 33:6

We've all had those nevertheless moments, haven't we?

She snuck into class ten minutes after the bell rang, nevertheless the teacher ignored it.
He swung the bat and missed the ball, nevertheless the coach saw his potential.
She spewed hurtful words at her husband, nevertheless he forgave her.
He smashed his wife's dreams to pieces, nevertheless she loved him.
They deserved what was coming, nevertheless God showed mercy.

Nevertheless is a great, old fashioned word that musically rolls off the tongue unlike its choppy sisters but, however, nonetheless, or in spite of.  Nevertheless defines those free-of-charge, unexpected outcomes that either define cruelty or mercy.

With God, nevertheless always means mercy.

I've tried leaving Jeremiah's 52 chapters behind since August, but God keeps bringing me back. Today he defined mercy in chapter 33 verse 6 (above).

Like today's world events, war left Israel in ruins. Her idol worship angered God and they reaped the consequences. Nevertheless, God loved Israel and He promised restoration and healing, abundant peace and security.

So, what does that have to do with us? Everything.

We wage war against God everyday, even us "good girls", when we choose holding grudges instead of offering forgiveness, speaking our minds instead of holding our tongues, causing dissension instead of making peace, placing our "to do" list over loving our husband, busyness over abiding with God.

The list goes on and on. I don't intend to make you feel guilty but rather point you towards God's unfailing love and ever flowing mercy:

We choose holding a grudge, nevertheless God freely forgives.
We scream cruel words, nevertheless God whispers loving thoughts.
We cause dissension, nevertheless God makes good come together.
We walk away, nevertheless God never leaves our side.
We deserve death, nevertheless God offers eternal life through Jesus.

No matter what we've done or are in the midst of doing, remember this: 

Nevertheless, God...

 loves us and promises full restoration.

Abba,

In the little and big circumstances of our lives, we confess our waring hearts against you. Daddy, forgive us. Thank-you for your love that never fails, no matter what. How grateful we are that even though we deserve the consequences of our choices nevertheless, You show us mercy. Nevertheless, You love us and restore us. Thank-you.

God's Heartbeat

"Do not hold against us the sins of past generations; may your mercy come quickly to meet us, for we are in desperate need." Psalm 79:8

My Father's heart beat deep inside my chest. His mercy overflowed and caught me by surprise. For once, I understood his compassion towards us.

Condemning lies shouted in my ears before my feet padded across the bedroom floor, Saturday morning. Words that had no merit or permission to attend my soul crept into subconscious cracks and tripped me in early consciousness. "Lord come," is all I could muster through the accusations to shake loose the grip of my prowling Enemy.

Later, in the midst of fellow wordsmiths the Enemy pulled up a chair next to mine, disguised as a colleague. He took control of a jeering minority and publicly mocked of the work of the Master...His saving power...His name. "Lord come," I prayed again. But it didn't seem enough. I was ready for a fight, to defend His name but then He spoke:

"When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly."

1 Peter 2:23

Sunday came. The sabbath. My husband and I traveled in the sunshine to quieter places to worship and bask in His company, stopping only for breakfast. In a sleepy river town we took our seats under the canopy at the Whistle Stop Cafe and enjoyed our gourmet eggs and coffee and yes, fried green tomatoes. 

To our right, two couples discussing the just-heard sermon on following the passions God placed in our hearts. I know that sermon. It's where God has me today.

To our left a group of three, friends of the owner, commiserating about the disciplinary injustices of parochial school nuns and southern baptist schoolmasters. Their faith now dead because of them.

Caught in the middle of two polar opposites my heart quickened and tears welled up - my husband bewildered by my visible reaction. I choked back tears, not for myself, but for all those who've never known God's compassion, or love, or mercy - only the Enemy's distorted truth. I felt God's heartbreak, His mercy, His compassion and caught a glimpse of how He saw these people.

I begged God for words again. What syllables could I offer to change their minds? Was there any convincing I could offer to help them see the true God? Only silent prayers were offered to an omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent God.

In times like these how do you react? What advice can you offer to one so muted?