Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Price of God-Sized Dreams

"So David went up in obedience to the word that Gad had spoken in the name of the LORD." 1 Chronicles 1:19

The deep waters encircle my boat and my white knuckles prove my fear. He's calling me out of the boat and I hate it there. I'd much rather coast along the seashore looking at all the beautiful scenery, imagining myself a seaside landowner. But, that's just dreaming. Dreams accomplish nothing unless we pay the price and the cost for God-sized dreams is obedience.

I shove my hands into my pockets as my writing dream dangles over the side of the boat. Searching frantically for another form of payment, my hands turn up empty. No substitutes. God only accepts obedience. It's that simple and complicated all at the same time because when God calls me out of the boat and I step into the deep, I'm faced with fears.

Right now, leadership defines my deep waters and as an introvert by nature, I've got a boat load of fears staring me down. I'm facing them right here, right now and asking you to stand with me in prayer:
  • Inadequacy - how can I possibly lead others when I have so much to learn? There are others more qualified, more experienced and talented than me, but they remain unavailable.
  • Conflict - where there's people, conflict ensues. Conflict resolution makes me want to throw up because no one, especially introverts, wants to be the bad guy.
  • Likability - who doesn't want to be liked? Difficult decisions are sometimes unpopular decisions and leadership inevitably calls for them.
  • Lack of vision - I'm not a visionary. Envisioning the big picture isn't natural for me and I know without vision, organizations die. I fear that.
Though I fear leadership it serves a transforming purpose in my life; from fierce independence to humble dependence on God for the wisdom and resources I lack.  

In James 1 it says, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be give to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord" (vv4-7).

The wind-tossed waves are slapping me around, threatening my stability, ready to drown me and my dream. But I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus who called, "Come" and I shout a prayer above the surf, "Help me!" And he hears and sends help in the form of strangers and experts, forums and blogs. He sends wisdom and knowledge, courage and hope. My feet stand firm for one more day.

Obedience isn't fun and rarely easy but I keep my eyes on the prize...on the dreams you planted in my heart. Fix my eyes on you in the midst of these deep waters and supply the confidence I need to believe that you will supply all I need.

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